My ex family in my opinion seemingly allow my sibling to be friends on Face Book as maybe a statement of solidarity with them against me. Best of luck to you. Im beyond heartbroken. Its the strangest thing a once close family is now a battle ground. My sister and Brother have remained super close to my ex, telling him every little thing that i do or my kids do (usually that they dont agree with!). You could use this time wisely to explore your past, what went wrong in this relationship etc so you can begin to look ahead. I guess sometimes things work out. My brother came through town last weekend and he called my ex instead of me. Men most of the time dont do it on purpose. During my divorce, we attended a seminar coping with divorce that explained from the point of view from the children. Its a sick, sick way of him controlling my life. To me, its not even important. I know exactly how you feel. Theresa deserves Karma to put her in a similar situation and see how tshe survives it. cuz he broke my heart . There is no jealousy because my partner knows that we are totally platonic, and that comfort came about after a series of frank and honest conversations. The bright side is that your children are not missing him or all that he used to be involved in. My step-dad past away 7 years before my ex and I broke it off and so my ex was very good to my mother and still did repairs to the house and even after we split up her still did home repairs for her. He even seen the new baby in the family, and rubbed it in my face that I would never see that child. Why? why did he pretend again 2 love me wen i was already in love wat was his gain from hurting me not once but twice bout be onlove with me he never share same feelings as i he mislead me again why all i did love him real live and furnish his apartment 2 bedroom and his son room, I was dumped after 47yrs of marrige and said he never loved me plus he still wants his ex from 1969 Bless you and stay strong . It is sick. When I stood up to him he started to behave threateningly with shotguns. Sorry, but I am not into rewarding bad behavior. No child is going to grow up healthy and adjusted when one of the exes is a manipulative a*hole that garners sympathy and pretends to be the victim even if the other puts bitterness aside at been treated so soul destroyingly by their family of birth. its so immature to ask him to get lost, esp. We had Christmas morning at my step-daughters and my daughter brought my ex over there as well. I was having some misunderstanding with my husband and it was tearing our marriage apart to the extend my husband do not come home anymore and he was seeking for a divorce. Hes a great dad and a great person. I have cut ties with all of them now.. Its been years and Ive tried to explain to my mother that she is my EX wife and her place is with her family,not mine.. didnt work.. this has strained my relationship with everyone in my family.. But your family should ask youbefore inviting him. Accept it. My fathers memorial service was last weekend. A goodman would not want to interfere in a mother/daughter relationship. What good is your family if they make you feel a certain way around them. email us your dilemma at hello@thegirlsbathroom.com follow us on instagram @thegirlsbathroomshop the girls bathroom here : http. I hosted big family Thanksgiving every year with his sis ya dad my beautiful nieces who are close to my daughter. I got back together with my family for a few years, but it was very strained. Hi.. allow me to start my saying did I loathe stupid people. Especially know Dad is remarried. I feel she is and would be ever willing to compromise whereas the impression is given that they are just not willing to listen to or respect her feelings and that is NOT healthy and indeed the hallmark of emotional abuse. If you tell your boyfriend how you feel no matter how painful it is or vulnerable you feel then you're being your true self with him. She tries to get you on her side about her conflicts with everyone: her boss, my brother, my brothers wife, my other sister, Fox news, the president, yada yada yada. Ps. I also feel there is more to the story than the original comment. One thing I noticed, that no one seemed to address, is the fact its the OP with the problem. It will help people to make the right decision. He systematically does all the right things, 4. She was posting a lot . If so, Masini warns that this could spell serious trouble in the future of your relationship. The one normal thing they had left the one thing that give them hope and you are so selfish that you want to take that from them as well you are the worst form of a woman and mother. His behaviour basically reminds me of Stalking. He remarried, I never did (by choice). When you are married, you dont want your family to be aloof, stand-offish. Here's my question for you, though: Why did you sign up for this? Selfishly, im the one handling 100% of the financial responsibility for their grandkids (and I wouldnt want it any other way) but they dont seem to mind him contributing zero and having a six figure arrearage that will never be paid. Move on and you can all be one big happy family. My boyfriend and I have been together for three years now, but his sister is still good friends with his ex. He knows that you love to hear this, so thats why he says it. com reunite broken marriages. My family even took family pictures with my kids and my ex and I wasnt in them. I quit Talking to my family as much about my personal life/feelings because I didnt trust them as much. This is beyond cordial. The longer it's been since they split up, the more likely it is that they truly. My boyfriend is going through a divorce with an ex wife who is out of state. Along the way, you will vastly underestimate people due to your grandiosity. All the years of marriage, I kept all the hurt and problems to myself. I am so thankful for your post and all the supportive comments. I felt so betrayed, because I would never let anyone come between me and family. So, while she was destroying me financially, she was sinking her hooks into my ex and now that hes got this money, shes circling my ex like a buzzard extorting his money and her adult kids are in on it too. Family is first. You need to let them know that it bothers you and makes you uncomfortable. I was happy, there was still some hope. The friendship/friendships that have been created between your family members and your ex have nothing to do with the reason you are no longer together. But they had no issue telling me all about mine. My husbands ex does this too. She. I think Ill share this post with my siblings and mother so they get an idea of the hurt and damage being done. There is the emotional kind and logical mind and either of them separate does NOT equal wisdom ashes in this case especially advice with wisdom taking both emotions and logic into count is paramount. I actually thought it was over that I lost it all until my best friend connected me, My husband left me for his ex wife, This was just 2 years of our marriage. Im healing and in total rehabilitation of a very narcissist family . You are so dead on when you suggested my x is a narcissist and very manipulative as well. Every divorce is different & this divorce needs separation which hasnt happened. The kids and I spent the day at home together. Granted I had an affair which was a bad thing but now my sister and my ex have gotten very close to the point she hides things from me regarding who is taking care of my mom who we just found out has widespread cancer. Today it took my breath to see my brother and sister-in-law friends with them on Facebook. My ex-husband left to Mexico, so he never paid child support; left me with bills galore, but ironically still continued visiting my family members, whom knowingly knew, how he treated his family.. I find them disrespectful and they dont care about our feelingsalways trying to cause trouble in our marriage. Ive cut ties with my brother and SIL. I understand how you feel. That is a form of abuse.to you, your children and anyone who participates are also abusive. Just dont put yourself in a position to be angry and dont let others put you in a position you dont want to be in when you have the power to do differently. My ex bashed me from one side to the other. Food arrived and he came and got me. I know how comfortable you feel in that victim role, with your victim mentality, and the my feelings are facts and thats all that matters mentality because you are self-centered and lack empathy. Now you are making a public post to garner the sympathy you crave, from strangers, because your previous actions have meant that you no longer receive sympathy from your family. Because I kept talking about his ex. Going luck. When you divorce you shouldnt still get the perks of your exs family. He eats it up. The safety and comfort of your family might be the catalyst for this new and evolved relationship you can have with your ex, for your childrens sake. Yes, depending on the depth and length of his previous relationship. If he isnt a bad person, your family will want to stay friends with him. My boyfriend's family is clueless when it comes to talking about my boyfriend's ex around me. Your boyfriend still has photographs of his ex-girlfriend on his phone and still clings to things that was gifted to him by her when they were in a relationship. My mom got the girls and brought them to my house and our couples weekend pretty much was ruined. You should be taking the children to go see his family as well. He was right. This lady is self questioning and doubting herself and seems certainly open to healing and growth whereas I get the impression the others are probably narcissistic for their actions speak volumes. No breakup is fun, but if you and your ex have been kind to each other and the breakup was as civilized as possible, you may be able to stay friends with an ex's family. There is an unhealthy dynamic in a family that clearly crosses boundaries that normal/functioning families know not to cross. Your sister lived the reality. This is just so sad, hurtful and disloyal, I have the same issues despite being victim to domestic violence, my family continue to fall for my exs charm and maintain as much contact with him as they do with me for the kids sake but I dont accept this, they have full access to the kids through me, I have raised my concerns and asked them to step back to respect me and my traumatic past but my wishes fall on deaf ears They are merely rising to his bait and there is nothing I can do but to keep my own distance I guess, Hi Samantha. I guess they just do not care about my feelings at all. Fast forward a year or so and I just found pictures of her with my ex and his new wife. They swore they didnt choose him. To gloss over the loss is make light of what matters to you. View related questions: And its up to you to make him aware of this . (still friends). Sorry for the brutality. I have asked my siblings that if he or my children wanna bring him to a visit at their homes to just say Ask my sister. Wouldnt he rather be with her? But suppose their relationship ended one year ago. You have the power to do the same. My sister, and my niece came in and gave him a hug and ignored me. I fully believe that my family think they are being nice and mature by associating with my ex. They divorced. Often the person leaving has been putting in the most effort and done everything they can to save the relationship before they throw in the towel. I have never told her how i feel and Im not sure it would even matter to her since she has stabbed me in my back most of my life! Jesus got your back and only him can you trust and only him deserves your loyalty cos he is faithful. Your sister should have chose you to be there for Thanksgiving instead of your ex. I figured they felt hurt for me. "text": "It becomes awkward for you to see your ex at your familys events. I think every situation is different. Feels great. And the fact that you and her family talk about her and her mental illness is gross. They broke my heart and I never want anything to do with them again. He said, everyone said you were going to take money, I said, funny, you were the one that did, I was trying to be fair. Her family sound selfish and toxic . Is it just that they have fun together and like to joke around? It can also be that he still has photos together with her up on his social media account. I too wondered and asked my sister and she denied ever doing so. Make sure you get along enough to try to do whats best for your kids" It felt like such a betrayal especially after the texting thing. He attends Christmas, birthdays and special events with my family. All I could do was email. Then i am the bad guy. Tellng them about his child support payments and how unfair it was that he paid child support because the teen kids chose to live with him. I am totally going through the same thing and it is completely nuts! Im with you and think your family needs to rethink their loyalty. You didn't mention his age. I watched for almost 20 years as the ex and my family went on vacations, cruses I have to push back a little. You are not alone.. You are not alone, Stephanie. I have my sons wedding this weekend and I am sure he will be there so I will have to put on that fake smile I so learned to use while married to him and just work my way through it. It also happened to me. They were complicit in covering up. You are not alone! I felt a little validation there. I am in a very similar situation. Even if he never hurt you, its blurred boundaries, in my opinion. just because you dont want to be with him does not mean he cant cant come around. I will never understand it. After 6 years of being all but disowned, my family started to warm back up to me a little, all the while cherishing him, which put our kids in a weird position. Omg Im going through this with my sister and my ex. When it was time to divorce, which was oh so necessary, one of my aunts and one of my sisters listened to him bad mouth me. It may say something more about you than your ex. Of course my heart was ripped out and I have voiced my feelings about the whole situation to only be ignored. We need to teach our children how their decision impacts not only them but the entire family. But Jesus Christ I was in that grown man shoes trust me. He calls my ex all the time to talk to my daughter. He asked me to leave the house immediately after he asked for. So it is extremely bothersome the lip service my family is doing on top of everything else. easy to see the narcissist here. Its been a joy after finally escaping the abuse and my first born is no longer hurt by her deadbeat ways. I hope this isnt the case with you, but perhaps he keeps bringing up things like: I remember when (name of his ex) and I were in Paris. Bottom line is that if there is closure with divorce, in that both parties take ownership of why it didnt work, then perhaps good communication may ensue afterwards, and that would include discussion about boundaries. That is seriously sad. These kind of people seem to have an inability for any kind of self reflection, empathy or change. But you do know that unless there was some extraordinary circumstance that forged the alliance between the ex and the mom, the uncomfortable feeling you haveis entirely intentional on their part, right? This family members basically told me their relationship with him has nothing to do with how he treated me during the divorce or our divorce at all. This is human and often part of someones grieving process. We have been married for nine. Yes you initially wanted them to be embraced but things changed and your family didnt marry your ex. My mother did the same thing with my ex and years later I told her how I felt at the time that it was a betrayal to me and she said she was afraid if something would have happened to me like death and if she didnt have a good relationship with the ex he wouldnt allow her to see our son. Remind them that even though he is the childrens dad, that is all he is. I have my nephews birthday party coming up next weekend and my ex and his mistress is supposed to be attending and I feel like Im not going to be able to control my actions if I attend. I should point out that no one in my boyfriends family seems to think any of this is wrong, apart from him, and theyve never said anything to his sister, even though they know how we feel. I had to pull away from family of origin & create a life with friends to create boundaries & live a life away from their meanness.God can judge, and one day they will get his just rewards. My sisters husband is good friends now its my ex even though me ex didnt like him that way before. I dont get to see my little niece or nephew grow. Ive learned that picking up other peoples offenses lead to more disfunction and pain. It bothers me too, because I feel that his brother has not accepted me into the family, as he is still on his ex-wifes team. Unbelievable. I am very happy in my relationship, he is a much nicer person, yet i still feel so crappy about this ex situation and i dont know how to resolve the issue, if I talked to her about it she wouldnt react well, I know that. It has really divided the family. I shouldnt have to spend days we marked off as being my day with my children sharing them with him now. My mother in law was going to move her back here and into her home we had heard through the grapevine. Arent the two families supposedly joined together through marriage? Theres nothing wrong with them remaining in contact with him. You sound like you was in an abusive relationship. And have to stress, I have never once expressed any ill feelings towards my mom/sisters involvement with the ex. I contacted him to help me bring my husband back and he asks me not to worry that the gods of his ancestors will fight for me. When you're in a relationship with someone, it's rarely just with them. Its what she wants. I feel a lot more disloyalty in this visit than in the 20s visit. My Dad, Step Mother and their children were the same with my ex. You want your family to take your husband in like a family member. Everyone gets hurt in a relationship even disappointed. So now Ive lost yet another sister and her kids whose daughter hasnt seen my ex in 5 years but invited him to her wedding. It gets tricky and can put everyone in a difficult situation. Im going through something similar. I have to question why your family members are participating with him to hurt you like this. He said he only stayed for a half a smoke. You may feel like your going crazy, but you are not crazy. All the stuff I have done for my son and how badly he treated my son doesnt mean anything to them. There are answers to thisyou can fight back and regain your life, but not until you understand how a narcissist works. Man its sad seeing comments saying the family is out of line. Selfish people dont care about what is proper and will most likely stay in contact with an exes family to try to antagonize them. The biggest indicating factor for the acknowledgement of the gray area from family is whether they actually ASK you first how you feel, OR how things are going with the divorce. I can see sending your ex to the depths of hell if he did something to hurt you or the kids but it seems like your ex is simply living his life just as he did before you cant be mad at him for overcoming the pain of divorce and keeping his heart where his family liesin laws and all. 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