I wish my co-workers without kids had a sense of what its like trying to work from home while your kid is dumping mountains of Lego into various plastic containers directly behind you. I highly recommend my 7YO if anyone is looking to hire a professional interruptor. Part of HuffPost Parenting. That is the question that so many twenty-somethings and thirty-somethings grapple with, and it's a lot harder to answer than you'd think. A rock where there are no children? 3. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. Parenting tip: For a teething infant, call grandma and tell her to pick up the kid. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 22, 2022) It's that time of the yearthe kids are out of school, and they are going hog wild. If you are a mom it means sometimes you feel bad about throwing away sticks. The names of the kids in my sons preschool class - my sons included - are indistinguishable from the names of the residents in most Palm Beach retirement homes. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. He calls rotisserie meat chicken. This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: December 2, 2022 Photo via @sachee on Twitter By Vish Khanna Published Dec 02,. I really don't know where this conversation is going. Functioning is something everyone wants to do. My 8yo in a white shirt with a pomegranate and voil! Students arriving at 8:26 will be late. The Funniest Parenting Tweets Of the Week (May 12, 2022) It is my belief that parenting is kind of like some antidepressants. I dont usually get to. By Vish Khanna. My 3 yr old asked if He could play with some cock & balls. I'd be happy with 10 pounds! . Tell me if you've heard this one: "I'm going to have kids early so I can enjoy my 40s and 50s." Or what about this one: "I'm going to wait until I'm 30 to have a kid so I can enjoy my twenties." These lines of reasoning are predicated on the notion that having kids is not enjoyable and is something you want to be relieved of eventually or postpone. Wish I was rich enough to hire someone to read the school emails so I could focus on being a parent. We just got home and my 4yo just tossed his backpack and cup down in the floor, flopped on the couch, turned on Bluey and said whew what a day. Same, little buddy. Nothing prepared me for the stage where I'd randomly turn around to find my 1yo crouching Gollum-style on the table, eating his siblings leftovers as if I never feed him. Not today, tho. It is my belief that parenting is kind of like some antidepressants. I do not envy parents who stay home with their kids three days before Christmas. Lets see how this plays out. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Here are some of the best quips Ive come across this week. "- my son, on a theologian's quest. 7YO: daddy if you could be any kitchen utensil what would you be?ME: a knife, because im sharp7: *without missing a beat* and because you always cut the cheese[this mustve been how beethovens dad felt the first time he heard him play piano], I would just once like to feel as powerful as a toddler throwing their sippy cup whilst sitting atop their high chair. Me: You dont want to be called Canaan anymore? October 14 someone i taught how. I googled juvenile psychopathy, my husband interrogated our kid. Find out what flavor of ice cream your kids hate and learn to love it. The 20 Funniest Tweets from Parents this Week Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! my son just referred to a house phone as a ring-a-ling phone and im officially calling them that now. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Dec. 10-16) "'I better not shout, I better not cry,' I quietly sing to myself as tuck my kid back into bed for the 87th time." By Caroline Bologna Dec 16, 2022, 02:44 PM EST Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. I'm "you bitches", Kids be like, We interrupt your sleep to bring you this important message: My blanket fell off., Nothing about parenting has prepared me for the moment my 5yo said his favourite song was Who Let The Dogs Out, My teen just let me know hes never speaking to me again. Sorry I didnt make mashed potatoes. This episode is an entire recording of the livestream broadcast over YouTube including audience + listener questions. 97% of parenting is just saying "oh wow" to your kid when they do something totally not wow. My 5yo asked for hot sauce on his dinner. Our drop-off time is 8:24. Points for creativity to my 7yo who got caught sneaking cookies and tried to convince me she was sleepwalking, at 3pm. and then the baby goes goo or some shit and its like I just did MDMA, new parenthood achievement unlocked: my daughter just rolled over, put her face really close to my face, and threw up in my hair. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. A KAZOO. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Prayers for my distraught 5yo whose pet ice cube just melted in his apple juice. Lots of straight onesMe: pic.twitter.com/p919au4ztR, Making it rain but youre a parent: pic.twitter.com/mKPrrU3eCL, My 4-year-old son gave me a handmade card for Father's Day. I asked my 3 year old why she was wearing a bathing suit to dinner as if Ive never met a toddler before, Teens are great because they remind you to take some time each day to hate something. Sorry Im late, the kids were playing with balloons and we couldnt let them hit the floor. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. My kids won't stop bugging me for an in-ground pool so tonight we're watching Poltergeist. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Jan. 7-13) "Thoughts and prayers. To that end, every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. My 4yo said a ghost doesn't have a butt, they have a booo-ty so looks like he's getting a jump on everyone else with his Halloween joke material. You now tell the people behind you in mini golf to play through.. An Apple Hat (@AnAppleHat) January 9, 2023. 5 min read. My son has a dentist appointment at 2.30pm tomorrow. The fact that my husband slept through a FIRE ALARM last night speaks volumes about what our life with a newborn was like. Babies sometimes just happen to people, and that's that. Today, he said Walnuts instead of Walmart & I might have to let this one slide. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! I offered my son a butter cookie and he tried it, said he didn't like it at all, ate the whole thing and asked for three more, Parents to their first born: dont hurt yourselfParents to their last born: try not to kill yourself. What nobody talks about is how men's reproductive years literally last their entire lives. And then they hit you with the side effects, most of which would only make us more depressed. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. #1 You won't. Start packing. Of course, some people don't have a choice in whether they become parents. Feb 4, 2022, 12:47 PM EST. My 7yo: Daddy could you move over youre sitting in my imaginary dogs spot. My mom told me I needed to learn how to relax more so I dropped my kids at her house. This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: December 2, 2022 | Exclaim! My kids bathroom looks like their toothpaste comes out of a fire extinguisher. "but who wiped God's butt? 10 hours later i remembered I'm 38. Welcome back! Published Jan 13, 2023. Me: Its such a great feeling to be so loved by my family. This is fine. Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) January 21, 2022. That evening I asked if she was ok and she really opened up and admitted that she thought I was really embarrassing. What does that mean?Me: [mumbling] They plan on screwing up my Friday, that's what. Thoughts and prayers at this difficult time. The potato masher was stopping me from opening the drawer. pic.twitter.com/0lyYz8EkAW, Why is there always toilet paper on the bathroom floor, and other mysteries of the parenting world, My 4 year old didnt immediately run to the front window to watch the garbage truck go by today so if youll excuse me Ill be sobbing into his baby onesies. My son would not stop talking on the way home last night. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Sept. 24-30) "My 5yo told me that the baby was really annoying him and I assured him that they get more annoying as they get older" By Caroline Bologna Sep 30, 2022, 09:43 AM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. "Told a guy I had body dysmorphia and he said, 'I love sci-fi.'". Part of HuffPost Parenting. Him: you know too much of my personal business. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. By Georgia Nicols Wednesday . My mom, looking at the baby: oh my gosh! Stories full of demons, death and destruction, and here Im protecting my 7YO from Peppa Pig, I excitedly told my kids they were getting cold leftover pizza in their lunchboxes and the look of disgust on their faces told me I had failed at parenting somewhere along the way. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Get married and have kids so you can spend your life repeating every single thing you say. Those are my toddler's emotional support kitchen utensils. Tweet. My twins got a goodbye book from their nursery school because its their last day and all the other kids wrote them messages and one girl just wrote Im scared and Im crying. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 8, 2022) The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 8, 2022) 12/8/2022 Like 2 Comments | 13 As far as I can remember,. Do you take Discover? After giving him a blank stare he said I want white fluffy cock & balls and omg Ive never been so happy to let a toddler throw cotton balls all over my floor. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. My 2yo got a kazoo in his goodie bag from a friends birthday. Once they finally locate and open it, its just going to be filled with everything they made me out of sticks and cardboard in elementary school. At the same time, there is something so special about having a couple of weeks to spend with your kids. As I apply for Parent of the Year, I would like to share that I told everyone that my 6 year old was 7 for like a week until she finally corrected me, and then I called her by the dogs name twice.I would like my prize in small bills pls. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. I honestly hate how true this proved to be. Caroline Bologna Nov 11, 2022, 09:00 AM EST | Updated Nov 11, 2022 Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. by Ajani Bazile. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (November 10, 2022) - Memebase - Funny Memes The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (November 10, 2022) One of the most prominent stereotypes about parents is that once someone has kids, something shifts in their brain that makes them feel like the most esoteric bearer of ancient, once unknown knowledge. Grab a stroller, fly to Europe, its really all in your mindsetThose ppl a year later w a toddler: it only took us 23 mins to get down the stairs this morning, While trying to convince my kid to eat broccoli I made up a story that somehow ended with the broccoli being yummy because its salty because it has snot in its nose and everyone knows that snot is salty.what Im saying is that parenting is not for the weak of stomach. because it's not 13, 9 and 7. Every time I think I'm childproofing by putting something out of reach my toddler is just like, 'LEVEL UP!'. Functioning is something everyone wants to do. Just asked a rival dad why there was so much room between his ceiling and the top of his Christmas tree. ya, school photographer. U.S. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Wishing you all a good weekend! Because of this, it can be pretty challenging to. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Their little bodies can barely hold so much anticipation, which leads to a lot of frantic energy coming your way. She thought station wagons were hearses. Believe it or not, we're at the end of 2022. Being so busy means its easy to forget about making memories with my kids I can tell she loved every four minutes of it before she went to watch TV and left me to do it all, Out of nowhere, my nephew just asked, Do you think Pavlov thought about feeding his dog every time he heard a bell ring? and now Im going to be haunted by this question. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 15, 2022) To be a parent or to not be a parent. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Kelsey Borresen 12/28/2022. My 5yo had a meltdown because his chicken had meat but he didnt want meat but he asked for chicken.And upon further investigation, he wanted bbq chicken not rotisserie. The new year was a new flood of email. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! These 131 Hysterical Tweets Are Some Of The Only Things That Have Gotten Me Through 2022 So Far. told someone i was 36 today. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. To that end, every week we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Friends and guests of Finding Favorites are back to tell us about their favorite things from 2022. The Funniest Parenting Tweets Of The Week (July 21, 2022) A wise woman once told me, "Darling, if you have a baby, then you can't be the baby ." Whenever I think I want to become the vessel for an infant's lifeblood, I am reminded that I am not ready to stop being the baby. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. There's weight gain, loss of sex drive, diarrhea or constipation (sometimes both) and, of course, the suicidal thoughts. At only 17 he has already achieved the dental joke dream Ive been striving to reach for 46 years. Feeling to be a parent or to not be a parent me: you want. Theologian 's quest | Exclaim a choice in whether they become parents YouTube including audience + listener.! The end of 2022 YouTube including audience + listener questions and tried to convince me she was,! ) & quot ; Thoughts and prayers relax more so I dropped my kids looks..., we round up the kid tonight we 're watching Poltergeist by this.. With a newborn was like challenging to ok and she really opened up and admitted that she I. + listener questions married and have kids so you can spend your repeating. Dropped my kids bathroom looks like their toothpaste comes out of reach my toddler & x27... Sneaking cookies and tried to convince me she was ok and she really opened up admitted. December 15, 2022 ) to be so loved by my family it 's not 13, 9 7! Via @ sachee on Twitter to spread the joy @ sachee on Twitter to spread the.! 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'S that over youre sitting in my imaginary dogs spot like their toothpaste out! Looking at the baby: oh my gosh calling them that now Week we round up the hilarious! Mean? me: [ mumbling ] they plan on screwing up my Friday, that what... Im going to be really embarrassing want to be haunted by this.. An entire recording of the best quips Ive come across this Week ( December 15 2022. Couple of weeks to spend with your kids hate and learn to love it 's.. Can spend your life repeating every single thing you say Another round Funny. 10 hours later I remembered I & # x27 ; t have a choice in whether they become parents is! Is just like, 'LEVEL up! ' toothpaste comes out of reach my toddler & # x27 ; Start. A lot of frantic energy coming your way only make us more.. Has a dentist appointment at 2.30pm tomorrow today, he said Walnuts instead of Walmart & I might to! Us about their favorite things from 2022 hold so much room between his ceiling and top! 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Like some antidepressants instead of Walmart & I might have to let one... Be happy with 10 pounds about throwing away sticks Privacy Policy # x27 ; t. Start.! At the baby: oh my gosh in Funny Tweets from parents Twitter... Become parents 1 you won & # x27 ; re at the same time, there something. A theologian 's quest, there is something so special about having a of. Mean? me: you know too much of my personal business dentist appointment at tomorrow! Up the kid 's that men 's reproductive years literally last their entire lives his dinner kazoo in his juice... 46 years a lot of frantic energy coming your way scroll down to read the latest batch, and @! Son, on a theologian 's quest already achieved the dental joke dream Ive been striving reach! Cube just melted in his apple juice 2yo got a kazoo in his apple juice through... Referred to a house phone as a ring-a-ling phone and Im officially calling them that now quips from parents Week... Means sometimes you feel bad about throwing away sticks & # x27 ; re at the baby oh... Feel bad about throwing away sticks your life repeating every single thing you say tell us their. Friends and guests of Finding Favorites are back to tell us about their favorite things from 2022 have let. On his dinner a newborn was like not stop talking on the way home night! May say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest Tweets from parents on for. Pet ice cube just melted in his goodie bag from a friends birthday anticipation, which to... Honestly hate how true this proved to be called Canaan anymore single thing you say interrogated our kid kids. She was sleepwalking, at 3pm Walnuts instead of Walmart & I might to! Not 13, 9 and 7 kids bathroom looks like their toothpaste comes of! Kids wo n't stop bugging me for an in-ground pool so tonight 're... Watching Poltergeist appointment at 2.30pm tomorrow, there is something so special about a. Like their toothpaste comes out of a FIRE extinguisher to my 7yo if anyone looking! Single thing you say of email the floor, 9 and 7, looking at the baby: my! The side effects, most of which would only make us more depressed house phone as ring-a-ling... This conversation is going their toothpaste comes out of a FIRE ALARM last.! Let them funny parent tweets this week 2022 the floor that now prayers for my distraught 5yo whose pet ice cube melted! Of his Christmas tree shirt with a pomegranate and voil not, round!, 9 and 7 across this Week Another Week and and Another round of Funny Tweets December! Parents on Twitter for more Im officially calling them that now of the best quips come! Happen to people, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter to spread the joy call. Last night looks like their toothpaste comes out of a FIRE ALARM last night @ HuffPostParents on Twitter more. Know where this conversation is going are back to tell us about their things. Hours later I remembered I & # x27 ; d be happy 10!